Nostalgia

I had a dream last night.

My Aunt, Uncle and two younger Cousins were moving back to their old home they lived in back about five years ago in Garland TX. I spent a lot of my childhood there about every summer, three months at a time. I really loved that house. Not the house, really. Just that there is o’ so many memories flooded in that lot and even neighboorhood. I think what I miss most is that when I was visiting with my family as a young child, everything made sense. We could go anywhere we wanted, ride bikes all across town, and not have to worry about a single thing, making up games, water balloon fights, playing in the rain, making obstacles, “science experiments,” dress up ect. I miss being close to my family, not just the family I live with, but with all of whom I’m related to. Now, all I see is everyone grown up, including my little cousin, whom I spent so much time with, whom I fought with so much because she copied me in every little thing I did, whom I took baths with as a child, whom I had the most fun with because I could simply be myself and act weird. I type this all with a lump in my throat but, I never realized it, until this dream. I see her online and see the things she posts, she’s grown up, about to be sixteen and I feel like our relationship has been lost. I never see them anymore. I don’t go to Dallas in the summer for three months at a time anymore. I can’t. In this life, we can’t do what we want or what makes us the happiest, because we spend more time worrying about currency and what we’re going to make out of ourselves, when we really should be living our lives with less stress and worries. I hate this world. I hate it with everything I have, I hate what it has become, I hate the way the World’s people act, I hate the way it revolves around stupid matters. I wish we could all have the same mindset as children. Because they know what’s up. I don’t want to leave this world just yet, but at the same time, I cannot fucking wait to get the fuck out of here.